Teacher Humor

Teacher Humor from Songs 4 Teachers...
The lighter side of Education. It's what gets us through the day!

Songs 4 Teachers presents...

Character Kids©
Songs and Poems for Character Education
www.character-kids.com

26 songs and 12 poems to promote Character Education in your classroom...
A great resource for all teachers! Read More

Our Celebrate Me! E-Book
Perfect for All About Me or
I Am Special classroom themes
Kindergarten to 3rd Grade

More than 40 songs and poems to celebrate: Our Uniqueness,
Our Special Qualities, Friendship,
Our Differences, Families,
Our Classroom
Read More

Actual School Absence Excuse Notes
Author: Unknown

        These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) 
collected by schools from all over the country.


1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E.
today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. 
She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. 
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth 
taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. 
He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. 
He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

12. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

13. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

14. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping
because I don't know what size she wear.

15. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. 
We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found
it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

16. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. 
We have to attend her funeral.

17. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. 
She spent a weekend with the Marines.

18. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. 
He had a cold and could not breed well.

19. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. 
She was in bed with gramps.

20. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

21. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

22. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. 
There must be something going around, 
her father even got hot last night.

I Don't Want To Go To School

 Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son.  It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom?  I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"


"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." 
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old.  
And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Good Clean School Jokes

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - There's the 2nd of January, 2nd of February, 2nd of March...!

Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week,
what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Pupil: The sausage!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
Because his class was so bright!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher ?
He couldn't control his pupils!

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to ?
Pupil: Nobody I know!

Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water!

Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them!

KIDS...

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him:
"How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said:
"Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says:
'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!' "

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later:..
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later...
"Da-aaaad...I'm THIRRRR-STY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to the candlelight service at church for the first time.
The church lights were lowered, then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice,
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you"...

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said:
"Bobby, when I was a child I was told that if I made an ugly face, it could stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied:
"Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned!"